Top 5 Ford: 5 tips to survive a zombie apocalypse
For the launch of its new apocalyptic campaign for the Ford Escape (below), Ford Quebec asked us if we were prepared to face the horde of bloodthirsty undead who, according to Hollywood and the CDC, could strike us at any moment. And since we're avid consumers of anything near or far a zombie movie or video game, the answer was clear: bring it on! We survived the Zombie walk, after all.
So that you too can guard against the foretold invasion, we've rounded up everything you need to know to survive a zombie apocalypse in 5 easy steps. Get out your papers and pencils, because there's a good chance your MacBook and iPhone 5 won't work when you need to find this valuable information.
# 1 - Preparation
In order to be prepared for the worst, it's important to educate yourself about the threat facing you. And since real zombie attacks are rather rare (except for a few isolated cases like last summer in Miami), the best source of documentation is still fiction, and more specifically zombie films. The list is quite long, but after listening to a few classics like resident evil, Shaun of the Dead, Dawn of the Dead, 28 Days Later, Night of the Living Dead, Zombieland and the popular series Walking Dead, you should have a good idea of what to do and what not to do during an invasion.
# 2 - The Survival Kit
Before you even step out to face the walking sacks of putrid flesh scratching at your doorstep, the key to your survival is having a good supply of all of the following essentials:
- Drinking water and non-perishable food in sufficient quantities to survive a few months. You will see, after a while, you get used to the unpleasant aftertaste of Chef Boyardee;
- A first aid kit and some basic medicine (it would be a bit ironic to die of an infection after scratching a rusty nail while fleeing from a pack of hungry zombies);
- A few tools, you never know when you will have to barricade a door or unscrew a ventilation hatch to escape formidable predators in-extremis - and they can always be used as weapons in case of need;
- Warm clothes and blankets, especially if the end of the world does indeed fall on December 21st. Frozen fingers are really worse for wielding a baseball bat;
- A battery-operated radio to pick up distress signals or simply to cover the incessant grunts of the zombies with your favorite music;
- Finally, some basic hygiene products. It might sound silly, but you're going to be damn glad you thought about stocking up on toilet paper and push-push smells good when you're going to scoop up a dozen living in a semi-basement with no running water.
# 3 - A safe shelter
Your open concept all-glass condo may be super beautiful, but on the security side, it's not terrible. Especially if you have to build a fire to warm up, it will show for miles around. What you need is a sturdy bunker with a nuclear shelter (ideally already containing all the items from the above list), or a luxurious Westmount house surrounded by a 12 foot stone wall topped with sharp peaks (it's not because it's the Apocalypse that you can't afford a little luxury!), ideally with an atrium where you can grow some fruits and vegetables and thus avoid dying of scurvy .
Once you have found the ideal place, carefully examine all the possible exits, and barricade all the entrances, leaving you of course an emergency exit in case a distracted roommate forgets to close the door behind him when he comes back from his turn. keep. Also study the surroundings and carefully prepare your escape plan, with clear meeting points and alternate paths should the main track ever be blocked. Because in the event of a zombie invasion, you never know when you will have to take your legs around your neck. Which leads us to:
# 4 - a vehicle
Normally I would be the first to recommend that you ride a bicycle or invest in a low emission vehicle, but since the end of the world will have already happened, the environment may be a little further down the list. of your priorities. What it takes is a sturdy frame, a reliable beast that stands up to the elements while providing good fuel economy. Something like, I don't know, hey, the very aptly named Ford Escape (wink wink), for example!
Besides, it would be rather stupid to get stuck in a snowbank when you try your escape maneuver, so why not equip your vehicle with a nice big snow shovel? In addition to allowing you to circulate without incident in 3 feet of snow, it is also very effective in clearing the road from the hundreds of undead who will no doubt be waiting for you at the exit.
# 5 - the arsenal
Finally, all those hours spent in front of your video games and recreating medieval fights on Mount Royal will serve you well! Not that the prospect of having to face these flesh-eating creatures in single combat makes us particularly happy, but we must be prepared for any eventuality. Small advice, avoid firearms, for three simple reasons:
- You probably don't know how to use it and you might hurt someone or yourself before you hit a zombie;
- As in any good zombie movie, you'll likely run out of ammo exactly when you need it most;
- With all that has happened in the past few weeks, gun control may be so tight when Apocalypse hits us that you will be unable to find any.
In a post-apocalyptic world, anything can become a weapon. A table leg, a piece of pipe, a pitchfork, even the popular collection of 33 rpm records of your hipster friend could be used to defend yourself against zombies. Personally, I have a soft spot for the katana, commonly known as ninja sword and popularized in the 90s by Leonardo of the Ninja Turtles. Lightweight, fast, formidable and so much more swagged than a traditional machete!
No matter your favorite weapon, always remember this very important rule: aim for the head!
There you go, you're ready to face a zombie invasion! Hopefully you will never have to experience this kind of situation, but as they say, prevention is better than cure. Come to think of it, in the case of a zombie epidemic, a cure for the virus would not be refused!
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*Ford blog entry was written by Mark McKay and Ammar Khan.